For our September meeting, Sue challenged us to write an obituary. It could be for a real person (living or dead) or a fictional person. As usual, the resulting pieces varied tremendously. below are a couple of examples:
Obituary
BY ANN HENDERS
It is with sadness that I announce the passing of my middle age. When it first made its presence known, sometime in my early forties I must admit I was not a welcoming host. It blurred the jaw line and crinkled my décolletage, breasts and buttocks began to slowly slip southwards. The first time I ‘oophed’ upon sinking into an armchair I checked to see if anyone else had heard me. Fortunately, there was no one else in the room. This left me at liberty to undo the button on my jeans, while I watched the news. Sometimes, I was able to ignore my middle aged alter ego, with skilful application of ever more expensive creams and make up I could recapture the bloom of youth, or that was the promise. I bought ‘shaping underwear ‘ on line but by that time the menopause had kicked in so rolling latex knickers from knee to midriff was like pushing hot stuffing between breast and skin of the Christmas turkey but without the tasty end result.
Over time I got used to the middle aged years and grew to accept and even love the new me. Sadly, they came to a sudden and shocking end when I had a cataract operation. I looked forward to the big reveal. The clarity of vision, being able to recognise a friend before actually bumping into them, or worse, walking past them. I woke the next morning and went to the bathroom. I instantly realised my loss. My wonderful, liberating, middle years had died overnight. I was now staring old age in the face! Without the milky, soft focus of my pre operation eyes I had to say goodbye to the middle years, which upon reflection had been marvellous.
Goodbye my middle aged self, we achieved much during our time. Raised a family, enjoyed a successful career, looked after ageing parents and had some wonderful times together, I will miss you dearly. I now embrace my new travelling companion, decrepitude.
Obituary
BY MICHAEL J HOWARD
The death has been announced of Lt Cdr Richard Horatio ‘Chalkie’ White who passed away peacefully at his home, overlooking the Beaulieu river at Bucklers Hard in Hampshire, on Tuesday 9th August 1986 at the age of 91.
Growing up, his home was never far from the sea and with his father and two uncles both serving Officers in the Royal Navy, he was naturally drawn towards a career afloat. He joined the Senior Service in 1909 at the age of fourteen, first training at HMS GANGES before being posted as a Midshipman to the First Destroyer Squadron, Mediterranean. He saw action in the First World War at Gallipoli and Alexandria. His classical nickname originated from a tour of duty in the Royal Chatham Dockyard during his training.
At the outbreak of the Second World War Richard was promoted to the rank of Lieutenant Commander and given command of HMS STORK, a Bittern Class long range escort sloop attached to the 32th Escort Group. His ship helped to protect convoys of merchant ships sailing from Plymouth across the North Atlantic as far as the Southern USA and South through the U-Boat infested waters of the Bay of Biscay to Gibraltar.
In 1941 he was transferred to command of HMS WHIMBREL, a Black Swan class sloop, based in the Port of Liverpool as part of Captain Johnnie Walker’s notorious Submarine Hunter Group. Under his command, HMS WHIMBREL scored one U-Boat ‘kill’ and assisted in two further ‘kills’. In 1945, at the age of fifty, Richard retired from the Royal Navy to take up the post of Harbourmaster at Lymington in Hampshire. It was here that his love of competitive sailing was nurtured.
A well respected and much loved amateur sailor Richard is perhaps best known in yachting circles for two of his many attributes; the first being his successful management of the 1953 America’s Cup Challenge in which the UK 12 metre yacht SOVEREIGN, won five out of the seven races to wrest the America’s Cup from the Americans. His rather unorthodox management style saw many young and inspiring amateur yacht designers and sailors replace the established ‘old guard’.
His second most revered attribute was his ability to create positivity whenever he was present. He had the happy knack of viewing life with the utmost optimism and was always able to induce a mood of positivity even under adverse conditions. After retiring at the age of sixty he took up after dinner and inspirational oration. Many a sombre occasion has erupted in peals of raucous laughter after Richard put his rather sardonic sense of humour to work.
A single man all his life, Richard is remembered by his two younger brothers, their wives and extensive families. His nephews and nieces will particularly miss his sharp wit, his sound advice, his comforting smile and the encouraging pat on the back.
Last Updated on September 13, 2022